I dont know what to do anymore. I tried and even though i saod i would give up i didnt. I know youre hurt but just cheer up. I tried all that i know to start a convo , i said i gave up on you but i called you because i know i can never give up on you. I hope you realize this and know that just because there are mean and horrible things in the world doesnt mean no one loves you. I want to show you my love and care . I hope you realize this someday :)

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas !!!

Happy Birthday Jesus.

This year instead of waiting anxiously of what i am going to get from my friends and parents, i want to focus my joy in the birth of Jesus Christ. Over the years, the real reason to celebrate has drastically changed, and people are more concerned about giving each other presents that truly celebrating what God has given to us. I want to not only give my praise to Jesus but also giving His love and joy to everyone around me. Keep me accountable :D

Its a one way street?

I dont know why or since when did i feel like everything is just one sided. It used to flow so well and things were just going fine. But every time some things happen i feel so distant, like a total stranger or maybe just a toy or furniture. All my doubt just overwhelms me and i no longer know how to keep trusting:( seriously sometimes i feel things would have gone so much better if my wish never came true. Life does have its ups and downs but im not causing anything to be better i dont know anymore! I wish you can read my mind and comfort me but that would be too selfish

easier said than done

TRUST!

i think how funny it is that i trust people that i just met and i open up to them but i have trouble trusting some of my closest friends. friends over the past 6 months has seriously lost my trust and now i dont even know why i cant trust those that are close to me. yea, i do tell them my deep feelings and secrets but somehow i dont believe in what they say. its very frustrating, i know i should trust them but its so hard. they may say things that are honest and genuine however, i feel like its all sugar coated and sweet talk. i try to trust and have faith in them, however, my heart is just paranoid and i just pretend that i trust them. on my good days, i am able to bask in their love and support. but like today, i feel like i am very far away from them. i want to put all my trust in them but its very frustrating that i cant. hmmm i seriously need to put my trust in the right people.

Zoning out

theres always a limit in studying. my bio midterm is coming up on wednesday and i just have everything piled on top of me. i want to just devote my time to just studying bio but i also have chemistry homework to do and then i have chem lab and then i have writing. i want to have more time and energy to just finish everything! ahhhh i cant wait for the weekend even though my weekend just ended 23 minutes, and its officially monday. i really need strength just to carry out my daily life. hahaha i am zoning out and i dont know what is going because i just want to slip into my lil shell :D haha

my life is a tornado

Biology might not be my thing anymore. After receiving both my midterms back from my bio 97 genetics class and my ochem , i doubt this is my path to take. I feel like i studied so hard yet the result is never what i wanted. I want to do better but i dont even know what i am doing wrong when im studying. i seriously put all my effort in ochem but still it came out as a bummer. i really dont know what to do anymore, if i am trying this hard to get a descent grade and i still get a ____, then what can i do to get even a higher grade. omgah i dont even know what to write down. im so lost and i feel so helpless! Maybe God is trying to tell me to change my major. I have been thinking about it, but i am so stubborn that i want to prove to just life that i can do well as a bio major. maybe not anymore. I dont know where my college career is headed to. But on the bright side, i became a college buddy in Best Buddies club and my buddy is bryan. Maybe this is a sign from God that i should really change my major to psych because its something i enjoy and want to pursue in.

9.30.10

:( i dont even know how to describe today. First day of lab is always crazy so of course im already freaking out. Then with the lack of sleep i feel super out of it especially when the TA was describing the procedure at 8 am !!! Luckily i finished early and finally got back to my apt and just took a nap. Talking to rachel was really nice, just to have a sister there and to just encourage each other. Just praying for each other and sharing our praises and problems was definitely good today. Then i had to rush to finish my dumb writing 39c homework. i seriously hate going to that class. but oh well i guess i have to endure it for one quarter. After the 1.5 hour class, i finally had room to just relax and breathe. I went to the target run with aacf people and grab some stuff i dont even need but i just neede to shop to release my crankyness :) good outcome!!! then we went to lollicup to get free drinks. ~yum~ finally i ended my day with some soon tofu! delicious!
such a long day and honestly i feel like everything just like piled on top of me, and its just so frustrating. im just human, i cant do everything! there is just a certain limit of what i can take in. I wish i can do all the things that is placed in front of me but sometimes i need a break to and i make mistakes too. AHHHHHHHHH