Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas !!!

Happy Birthday Jesus.

This year instead of waiting anxiously of what i am going to get from my friends and parents, i want to focus my joy in the birth of Jesus Christ. Over the years, the real reason to celebrate has drastically changed, and people are more concerned about giving each other presents that truly celebrating what God has given to us. I want to not only give my praise to Jesus but also giving His love and joy to everyone around me. Keep me accountable :D

Its a one way street?

I dont know why or since when did i feel like everything is just one sided. It used to flow so well and things were just going fine. But every time some things happen i feel so distant, like a total stranger or maybe just a toy or furniture. All my doubt just overwhelms me and i no longer know how to keep trusting:( seriously sometimes i feel things would have gone so much better if my wish never came true. Life does have its ups and downs but im not causing anything to be better i dont know anymore! I wish you can read my mind and comfort me but that would be too selfish

easier said than done

TRUST!

i think how funny it is that i trust people that i just met and i open up to them but i have trouble trusting some of my closest friends. friends over the past 6 months has seriously lost my trust and now i dont even know why i cant trust those that are close to me. yea, i do tell them my deep feelings and secrets but somehow i dont believe in what they say. its very frustrating, i know i should trust them but its so hard. they may say things that are honest and genuine however, i feel like its all sugar coated and sweet talk. i try to trust and have faith in them, however, my heart is just paranoid and i just pretend that i trust them. on my good days, i am able to bask in their love and support. but like today, i feel like i am very far away from them. i want to put all my trust in them but its very frustrating that i cant. hmmm i seriously need to put my trust in the right people.

Zoning out

theres always a limit in studying. my bio midterm is coming up on wednesday and i just have everything piled on top of me. i want to just devote my time to just studying bio but i also have chemistry homework to do and then i have chem lab and then i have writing. i want to have more time and energy to just finish everything! ahhhh i cant wait for the weekend even though my weekend just ended 23 minutes, and its officially monday. i really need strength just to carry out my daily life. hahaha i am zoning out and i dont know what is going because i just want to slip into my lil shell :D haha

my life is a tornado

Biology might not be my thing anymore. After receiving both my midterms back from my bio 97 genetics class and my ochem , i doubt this is my path to take. I feel like i studied so hard yet the result is never what i wanted. I want to do better but i dont even know what i am doing wrong when im studying. i seriously put all my effort in ochem but still it came out as a bummer. i really dont know what to do anymore, if i am trying this hard to get a descent grade and i still get a ____, then what can i do to get even a higher grade. omgah i dont even know what to write down. im so lost and i feel so helpless! Maybe God is trying to tell me to change my major. I have been thinking about it, but i am so stubborn that i want to prove to just life that i can do well as a bio major. maybe not anymore. I dont know where my college career is headed to. But on the bright side, i became a college buddy in Best Buddies club and my buddy is bryan. Maybe this is a sign from God that i should really change my major to psych because its something i enjoy and want to pursue in.

9.30.10

:( i dont even know how to describe today. First day of lab is always crazy so of course im already freaking out. Then with the lack of sleep i feel super out of it especially when the TA was describing the procedure at 8 am !!! Luckily i finished early and finally got back to my apt and just took a nap. Talking to rachel was really nice, just to have a sister there and to just encourage each other. Just praying for each other and sharing our praises and problems was definitely good today. Then i had to rush to finish my dumb writing 39c homework. i seriously hate going to that class. but oh well i guess i have to endure it for one quarter. After the 1.5 hour class, i finally had room to just relax and breathe. I went to the target run with aacf people and grab some stuff i dont even need but i just neede to shop to release my crankyness :) good outcome!!! then we went to lollicup to get free drinks. ~yum~ finally i ended my day with some soon tofu! delicious!
such a long day and honestly i feel like everything just like piled on top of me, and its just so frustrating. im just human, i cant do everything! there is just a certain limit of what i can take in. I wish i can do all the things that is placed in front of me but sometimes i need a break to and i make mistakes too. AHHHHHHHHH

SF/Berkeley

After a week in SF, i am glad that i can finally come back home. There is nothing better than waking up in your own bed and being able to bum anytime you want. SF was pretty cool i must say, lots of hmm new feelings. We went sightseeing alot and just eating around since Gabe was like the coordinator, so we got some good food like Bi-Rite and Ikes, and other yummie stuff. THe weather however, was a killer. I dont think i can ever survive there. I got a headache from the weather like on the second day and the gloomyness OH MY! but overall its a nice city, lots of nice views.

Berkeley oh Berkeley! It was rather hmmm scary. I was always scared to walk by myself down Telegraph. But i did have fun meeting some new people and hanging out with old HS friends. Julie, Alice H, Alice C, Jennifer Josh and I hung out and we ate at this korean chicken place called OB Town. It was delicious but i got soo full after.

This trip was fun, just the car ride was pretty cool when we were coming back down. Gabe Lawrence switched seats while driving and we were freaking out in the back. hahaha but it was a success because im not dead! hahaha

Day 2 and 3

Day II

• fishermens wharf : some awesome performers, walking around, got t shirt!
• downtown
• chinatown : got some lap cheung
• back to rest
• downtown to eat at la tacoria
• ate ice cream at polly anns!! i got honey dew melon :)
• then we walked to the beach, and then went home
• finally ended the night with a movie

Day III

• shopping at Safeway
• costco for food and pizza!
• rested at home
• lottery for wicked
• watched wicked!!!!!!!!
• came back to celebrate Lawrence's suprise bday pizza party at the cold park!

socal ----> norcal!

day uno

• 7 hour up : we basically ate, talked and slept :)
• ABC Cafe: so hk you feel like your in hk !
• Twins Peak: amazing view i can stare at it all night long
• hiking up long stairs to see sunset district view
• boba : yummmm~ but resulted in uber sticky hands :(
• dres house :D

How can i keep from singing your praise
How can i ever say enough,
how amazing is your Love,
How can i keep from shouting your Name
I know i am loved by the King,
And it makes my heart want to sing.

Anhui

My anhui mission trip was too short. I only spent 10 days in Hanshan, Anhui. On the very first day, i was very nervous. As i walked down the rows in the assembly room, i can see their smiles and i smiled back and all my worries vanished. :) Over the next few days, i bonded with most of the students and during each lunch time, Auntie Lily, Francis, and I would take a few students out to eat lunch with them. Because China is still picky about evangelism, our only way to really reach out to the students were to spend time outside of school with them and share illegally. We had lunch at UES for the next few days and yea it was very boring eating at the same place over and over again, but it was all worth it. While other classes were getting some "fishes", Francis and I had students that would never ask in depth about our lives in the church. It was very discouraging knowing that we lost our chance. As the trip went on, i told my mother how the students werent responding the way i wanted them to. She told me that it is okay, atleast we planted seeds in them, and one day when it is time, God will work through them. So finally after praying and praying, on the last day i had 8 students from my class accept Christ. 3 of them were from my table where Rachel and i shared the Gospel in broken Chinese. Peter, Claudia, and Harry entered our family by the end of lunch. Over at Francis's table, 5 students accepted Christ. I learned that it is all in God's power to do all this, and when it is time, He will lead these students. Our trip in Hanshan ended too soon. Right when i was getting to know these students on a deeper level, we had to all leave. The last day, many students came to the hotel to send us off. It was very heart breaking to see them cry and not knowing when is the next time you can see them or even write an email to them. My eyes were uber puffy from crying and i couldnt bear to look at their tear stained faces as the bus pulled away from the city. Some of the students even ran after our bus to wave goodbye. Even till now, i still wish i was in Hanshan. A piece of me will forever remain in that little suburban city.

:)

i am happy and i thank God for giving me so much happiness even in times of misery!!!

God is so Amazing

So i just got off the phone with my grandma. and she told me that she started to go to sunday school. My grandma was a buddhist all her life. she grew up in a very tradition chinese family where they would put incense to their ancestors. A few years ago, my aunt took my grandmother to church, and the reason my grannie went was to get free food. she went back every week to just get food. however over these few years, she started to listen more to the sermons and she even kept the Bible next to her bed. Whether she read it or not, i am not sure. This past year, my grandma started to worry about my grandpa. Hes a very stubborn man and still puts incense to our ancestors. She told my mom that she was very worried about his life after death. she kept on praying for him and also she told my mom that she prays for my family.
and now she goes to sunday school !!!! im so happy for her. its weird, i never thought she would ever devote her life to Christ. God definitely makes the impossible possible. Hearing this from my grandmother, really motivates me to really reach out to people in china this year. no matter who they are or what they believe in before, there is always a chance to show them God's love.

kids!!!

Today was day 3 for VBS. I have the first and second graders and wow they are a handful sometimes. First it was hard to just to start a conversation and keep it going with them because some of the kids wouldnt really answer. But by today we were able to joke and laugh together. After just a few days, i realized that i really love kids ( not in a creepy way) despite their craziness and random sugar highs, i still love them as if they were my own little brothers and sisters. im starting to doubt my success in the path to med school, but im really hoping that God will place me somewhere surrounded by children.

Principle of Dating Wisely

So last night, Jon, our youth pastor taught us about how to date wisely and i want to write down these few points so i can always look back and not forget what he has taught us:

1) Choose Christ-loving over Christ-less
2) Choose Character over compatibility
3) Choose Purity over Privacy
4) Choose Confirmation over Concealment
5) Choose Clarity over Confusion
6) Choose Commitment over Capriciousness
7) Choose Contentment over Complaining
8) Choose Selflessness over Selfishness

Bittersweet

Less than a month and imma be heading to Anhui. Im actually really excited yet im starting to feel that i am not that prepared. There seems just so much piling on top of me. i know i have my summer to prep but it seems like time is just flying by way to fast! I am also very nervous about VBS. i feel like i havnt really prepped that much. I know i should trust in God. but its just really stressing me out.

Summer i love you

YAY im finally out of school! im overjoyed.
I do miss my irvine friends and i wish i can just go back to just play but im happy spending time with my family and beinng able to laugh and share my joy. I have been sleeping for atleast 10 hours each day, and man i feel good. I also started to run again. I ran twice today, and each time is easier than the previous one. Slowly i am gaining back my running schedule. Today i am thankful for such great weather and motivation my friend (ET) gave me when i didnt want to run in the morning. i cant wait to run, play in irvine tomorrow. its going to be fun!

:(

Dear Heavenly Father,

I know you have made me in your image, and no matter what others say, i am loved by you. Please give me strength to finish my final strong. Lord, please let me be content with who i am. I have struggling with what you have given me, and i need to appreciate all that you have given me. Thankyou for blessing me with friends that always bring joy to my heart, but God please dont let me feel compared to them and let me be myself.

Amen.

ER the night bfore my MATH FINAL!!! :(

Last night, i went to gabes to eat pasta. It was soo yummie!!!!! But a few minutes after dinner, i started to cough alot, and my throat itched like crazy. First i thought i was sick, but it got really weird, so i concluded that it was some food allergy reaction. Maybe it was the costco meatballs or spices, or whatever that was in the sauce. I went to the guys apt. to grab some allergy relief medicine ( curtis got a shot glass for me to drink water from... soo curtis). we waited for awhile, and things just seems the same. When we went to drop something at andrea's, i started to loose my voice. Then my friends decided to take me to the hospital. So i was finally admitted to the ER at around 12. My parents freaked out and drove to irvine. They gave me all these drugs through an IV, and jabbed a epi pen in my thigh .. YAY fun stuff! they placed me on a heart monitor, so i had to wear those funky looking gowns. where people can see your butt if your not wearing pants, but i was so whewww! The doc first wanted to observe me on drugs for like 2 hours, but they decided it was best if i stayed till the morning, which i did do. My parents finally left at like 3:45am, and man oh man it was so boring. i tried studying for math, but it was really hard so i decided to sleep.

I finally fell asleep around 4 but this dude woke me up for an x-ray. then KO-ed right when i got back into bed. Another doc came in and checked up on me. He decided to call in a throat/esophagus specialist to take a look at my throat. I had a stupid tube thing go down my nose and into my throat. OMGAH IT WAS LIKE THE WORST FEELING EVER!! EVER EVER EVER! it was sooo guhross :( finally, i was discharged at 7am. i have such bad luck, i have like back to back finals these two days, and its the two most important subject! RAWR.

But definitely praise God that i am fine now. I am glad that He provided me with friends that would force me to go to the hospital and keep me company :D THANKS!!!

Happiness

This last quarter of my freshmen year, God has definitely provided me with a lot of joy. Its funny because even when i am having a bad day, He shows me something that totally brightens my day. And at times i feel totally discouraged and down, i would somehow smile despite the dark cloud over my head.

God, thank you so much for bringing me so much joy. You know my feelings and you know what is best for me. Thank you for blessing me with my family, my friends, and my fellowship. Love you<3

Accountability Partners

I did not realize how important accountability partners are until this year. In our freshmen small group, we would have partners for a few weeks. At first, i didnt take it very seriously. and i totally did not contact my first partner. As the quarter flew by, i grew to take accountability more seriously. I was finally shown how important it is to share, pray, and encourage one another. And even though sometimes it may be hard for both sides, it is still neccessary to point out thinngs that may be hurting someones path towards God. I thank God that this year He really provided me with the girls i have and that i have really grown to know them and love them as my sisters. I will definitely miss my small group, and i am super excited for next year.

"Carry each other's burden, and in this way you will fullfill the law of Christ." -Galations 6: 2

But lately, i feel like i am so full of flaws. and yes i know that no one is perfect, but it seems like im always the last one in the line. im always the one that needs to be encouraged, and im always the one that is directed. I feel like my life has no direction in what i can do. i am trying real hard to remind myself of how God made me in his image and i really need to be content and appreciate what he has given me. But each time i see my sister being so perfect, so devoted to God. it just drives me further away from contenment.

thank you God!!!

First) Brothers appreciation day was today. we planned out a little kids party for them. we had sliders, mac and cheese, chicken and apple juice box :D then we had lil kids worship and then we had games which was hilarious!!! we had 4 legged race, then they had to spin on a tennis raquet or bat and then do leap frog over each other, finallly they had to run over, grab an orange and then pass the orange by their necks! then we had mud cups and then we when to punch our pinatas!!!! i am thankful that i am able to have such a wonderful AACF family . we study together, we chill at 2am together, we share our burdens and praises. i cannot ask for any thing more. brothers, thank you so much for making me laugh all the time!!!!

Second) On saturday night, my mommie took me to this giant canto christian event in pasadena. there were ~2000 cantonese speakers worshiping God in the same room, we were all praising Him in unity. We worshiped our Lord for more than an hour! i was absorbed by the songs that i started to cry. Our Lord is so amazing, there are no words to describe it. Then this young boy at the age of 15 came onto the stage to give his testimony. He used to be studious, until he started to hang out with the wrong group of friends. he began to smoke, then got into a gang, and then started doing drugs. in order to get the money to buy the drugs, he stole his mothers wedding ring to sell, he stole anything in his house that was worth something. he finally got arrested and finally ended up in prison for 2 weeks. he was sent to zheng sheng school where they teach and house teen druggies. he later became a christian and now gives testimonies and is very devoted to God.. I was really touched by his testimony. there were around 14 kids who had many criminal records, and they all became christians. God is so forgiving and i realized i am not less of those kids, i am a sinner and God forgave me no matter what. I want to just praise Him every day for His unchanging love.

Unchanging Love

lately, i finally realized that God is always there by my side, through my ups and downs. A few months ago, i was spiritually dry and i knew God existed but my relationship with Him was really distant. after months of darkness, i finally realized that sometimes friends may come and go, but God is always with you. no matter what he is always by your side, holding your hand and walking with you step by step. Even when the world abandons you, God will never.

"In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength, you will guide them to your holy dwelling." - Exodus 15:13